So much has been happening and I don't really know where to start.
Our son graduated from 6th grade. I can't believe that! He is growing up so fast & it is such a bitter-sweet situation. He is 13 years old, he will be 14 in 5 months and you can't even play a part in it. You have missed so much. Well..... maybe you haven't missed it but I sure have missed seeing you go through it with me. It was supposed to be us growing old together and watching our son accomplish all the milestones in life. Unfortunately things didn't turn out that way. We are left here on earth to fend for ourselves, to figure out what we are meant to do without you. I still have yet to figure that out. To understand the reasons as to why I am to do this alone. I am sure the answers will become apparent when I come to heaven with you but I just can't come there any time soon. Ry needs me here, I need him. I want to be here and live the best life I can even though my heart is still very broken from losing you.
Ry & Naomi are in Arizona with your parents. They are enjoying their time with them until I go out this weekend. I will be there for 10 days and Donny & Sabrina will be coming out for 6 days and we will all fly home together. It should be a very nice trip. I know that you would have loved to come as well. Please if you could somehow let us know that you are there with us, we would all really appreciate it. It is hard for us not seeing you, but to feel your presence helps ease that pain just a little. Please do what you can to show us you are there.
When we come back from Arizona Ry & I will be moving and hopefully for the last time in a long time. I wish u were here. I miss you, your laugh, your positive energy & your tender side. I miss everything. Your snoring, your beautiful eyes, your stories from work, your caring nature, the praise you always gave when eating because everything was always so good. You are and always will be an amazing man to me. My heart is full from your love and it sustains me until we are able to meet again in heaven.
I love you more than the whole wide world and back again BABE!
For Ryan's scrapbook. This is what I wrote for us / Wife Read >>
For Ryan's scrapbook. This is what I wrote for us / Wife
To my son & my world Ryan Jacob Foley,
Today you graduate from 6th grade. WOW, look how far you have come!! It seems like yesterday that you were born. It was that very morning at 7:15 am on Friday December 22, 1995 that I knew you were here to make your mark in this world. You fought so hard to be here & God knew that you were meant for Dad & I to have. Your mere presence in our lives changed our hearts and our lives forever. I have told you this before but I want you to be able to read it over and over again so you know just how amazing you are to me. You are my saving grace. Ryan without you in my life, I truly don?t know where I would be today. You are just a young man but you bring so very much to my life and to the world. You have this special quality about you. You are wise beyond your years. You treat everyone as though they are your best friend and someone you have known forever; that is just like your Dad. I look into your beautiful green eyes and see the world and how wonderful it is. I see Dad in you every moment of every day. Your smile comforts me and your laugh allows me to know that you are safe and happy. You have always been the person I live for. You are one amazing young man. I am so blessed to have been given the opportunity to be your mom. I thank God everyday for that. You have pushed yourself so hard, you had a rocky path the last couple of years but you have turned it around and shown everyone that you will never stop trying. All I want is for you to be happy, your heart to be full of love and your life to the best it can be. You work so very hard and I am so proud of you son. I know that today isn?t complete without Dad here but I know he is right beside you cheering you on and beaming with pride. You have never been alone and you will never be alone son. Daddy is right there. I know and can feel in my heart that he is so proud of you. Just know that everyday the sun shines on your face that is Dad with you, that every time the wind blows against your face that is Dad with you, that every time you are down or need someone to talk to Dad is right there with you and all you have to do is be still enough and you will feel his arms wrapped around you.
My words can not tell you how proud I am of you. I know you know that, I tell you every day. Continue to shoot for the stars and always know that as long as you try your hardest and give it your all that is all I care about son. I know that you are destined to do great things. I believe that and I believe in you!
I love you more than the whole wide world and back again!
All my love, Mom
P.S. Dad wanted me to tell you he loves you and is very proud of you.
Rich we all want to share our feeling on Ryan's 6th G-Day
From Mom
Congratulation to my Dearest Grandson: One of the happiest moments all started when we were blessed with you into our lives on Dec 22, 1995. We all knew that you were very special when you enter this world. You have completed another chapter in your life today and you did it with hard work, dedication and pride. We can’t express our feeling and emotion on how proud we are on your accomplishments. With the goals and path that you have now set, I know the future will be filled with everything that you set your dearest hearts and minds too. Always remember that SOMEONE very special and close is always with you and guiding you throughout your journey here on earth. This is your DAY! Be PROUD of your achievement. I love you my SON, Momma
From Dad
Ry,
This is a very special day for you and all of us! Not only is your 6th grade graduation an important day for you but we all get to share it with you. We are so proud of you and the type of person you have become. I'm sure your father is looking down with a big smile on his face, and is saying, "That's my boy, and he is making me so proud to be his father"!
Life is as good as you want it to be, and if you keep up all the good things that you have started, we are sure you will have a really good life for yourself! Always remember, all of us are here for you, and we want you to succeed and have a very happy and enjoyable life. So enjoy this day to the fullest, and remember , "We love you so very much"! Love Forever, Grandpa Foley
Rich we all want to share our feeling on Ryan's 6th G-Day
Fr: Donny
To My Boy Ryan Foley a.k.a “RJ Love”,
Today you have completed one of your first major goals in Life in graduating from the 6th Grade!!! You should be so proud of yourself. You did it! Yes, your Mom and Dad were with you every step of the way and we were your biggest fans. But, you did the work!!! Nobody can ever take that away from you. Your accomplishments in Life are yours to keep. Forever. And this is one of many that you will achieve.
You are a on your way my boy. Like they say in life, “Reach for the Stars. The worst thing that can happen is that you land in the clouds.”
So, go for it!!! Make it happen for yourself and NEVER allow anybody to say you can’t achieve your goals. In fact remove the word “Can’t” from your vocabulary. Because you are a Foley and you are an achiever. And you will be successful in anything you put 110% effort into. You are a young man that has so much to offer this World. You have so much potential.
Happy 7th WEDDING ANNIVERSARY MY LOVE!!!! / WIFE Read >>
Happy 7th WEDDING ANNIVERSARY MY LOVE!!!! / WIFE
My sweet husband,
Happy anniversary! My heart is full and runneth over. My love for you is as strong as it was the first day we met. Well..... it is stronger than before it is solid and everlasting!!! My heart beats with yours, my soul is intertwined with yours. We are the complete package. We always have been and we will forever be. You still make my heart skip a beat when I think of you, when I look at your pictures, when I hear your voice on a home video, when I remember all the memories of us. Like the time in 1995 when I was home alone and the doorbell rang. I went to the door, no one was there but on the doorstep were a dozen roses and a note you wrote me. I picked up the flowers, shut the door and there you were standing at the back sliding door watching me in awe of this amazing surprise. Or the time when I went to the store and in my wallet was a note from you that read; "I love you, without you I am not complete!" All the small things were always HUGE to me. Everytime you made these small gestures it impacted my heart with your love. You have given me so much babe. You have given me the right to be the woman I have dreamt of, that I knew I was. You allowed that woman to bloom into who I am today. Although I don't think I am at my full potential because the other half of my soul is missing (which is you) but I am working with what I can at this point. The pain of your loss isn't as raw, it doesn't sting as much but I feel it everyday. When I get ready for work, I only make one cup of coffee, when I am at work I don't have you to email or call. When I get home I only make two place settings for dinner. When 5:30pm hits the door never opens and I don't hear the words, Hi family I'm home. When I lay in bed at night it is still on one side of the bed. I miss our talks, our laughter, our tears, our family! I miss the unity, the solid foundation we created and built. I know the foundation is there and it is up to me to continue building but it is so hard without you. I miss all of it. I miss hearing you say, I love you. I miss you telling our boy how precious he is. I miss my best friend, my husband, my lover, my provider. I miss all of you, every fiber of your being. All our faults made us work harder at sustaining a love that surpassed the rest. We fought with one another and fought for one another. We lived to make each other happy. I miss that! I know you are happy, but what about us? What are we supposed to do here while you are doing what you were called home to do? I don't want to leave earth because I could not nor will I allow our boy to be devastated like that again. The loss of you has given him a mighty, mighty blow. He continues to fall and he continues to dust himself off and try again. He isn't a quitter, he fights for what is right and he doesn't stop until it is achieved. He is a mini you! I am so blessed to still have such a strong piece of you in my life every day. Sometimes the things he says make me shake my head in wonder. Sometimes the things he says I have to look away because it is exactly how you would have said it or the exact words you would have used. I wonder how different things would be, I wonder what you would say about what is going on in the world. We have our first African American president in history and I would love to talk with you about it. I know you would be just as excited about the changes as I am. I wonder what you would say about all the changes in our once small town. I wonder the places we would have traveled to or possibly thought of to move to. I wonder if I am strong enough or brave enough to one day pick up and go? When Ry is grown and he has his own family, will I be too old to start somewhere else. Will I be too content in my job to want something else? Will I be able to leave our boy to see what new adventures hold for me? I am scared to let go, I am afraid that if I even let go a little bit my life and all we built together will change and there is NO way to get it back. I then ask myself is it already gone and I am just running from what lies ahead. Am I that afraid that I can't see anything at all? Could there be a new life in another state, another career field? Is what I do my calling? I truly believe that my life purpose is to be a wife and mother. I was a wife to you. I am a mother to our son. I was given the privledge to be married to an amazing man. A man that continued to set the bar high and always met every goal no matter how long it took us. I was married to a man that didn't have a lot of money nor cared about material possessions and even without those things we were far richer than the rest of the world. I married a man that was my best friend, someone that stood by me and all my flaws (and trust me I have many) and continued to love me, support me, guide me and teach me every day. How do you find happiness when the man I married goes to heaven and I am left here to raise our son & live the rest of my life without him? How do you find a way to cope with that? Is there a way to actually cope with that ?
You are the light of my life, I need you everyday!!! (Do you remember that? What happened to that?) Why is it that when those words are spoken or written it was meant for the days you were left here on earth? I still have days left here on earth!!! I still need those reassuring words, that hug that keeps me grounded, that smile that melts me heart and those eyes that make me feel safe. I wish you were here babe to celebrate our 7th wedding anniversary with me. I want that more than anything but I need you to find a way to be with me. Hold me tight, keep me strong and love me forever. Is that too much to ask? I don't think so. My heart belongs to you, my love will be yours for eternity.
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY MY LOVE!
I love you more than the whole wide world and back again!!
Happy 4th Bro / Sister Sister
What can I say that I have not said before? I miss you. I love you. I think of you often. There isn’t a day that I don’t think of you. While the pain has become a little bit easier to live with, it still has not gone away. I know it never will. I would like to thank you for all you have done for me this last two years. Especially recently with my new job, the house, for instilling patients in me to be more tolerant of people. This one seems to be a struggle for me, but I’m working it out. I’m not entirely convinced that wishing you a ‘Happy’ B-day is truly a ‘happy’ thing to do, but I do know it is something that should be acknowledged. Your time in heaven is special, but all of us down here in hell would much rather have you with us. We miss your laugh, your positive energy, your smile, but most of all your BIG HEART. You were always my internal cheerleader, but I know you still are. You form has simply changed. Mom needs you right now. I’m sure I don’t have to say that, and I know you are with her. If you can find a way to let her know you are with her, I’m sure she would appreciate it.
The time continues to go by and it hurts me to know that you aren't here. There is so much going on that we need you here for. I continue to ask myself if I am just being selfish because I know you are exactly where you are supposed to be. You're walking, talking and working with the Lord. You are his humble servant, you were brought to this earth to bless us with your knowledge, your kind words, your positive attitude, your zest for life, your loving nature and your endless support. You have accomplished all you were placed on this earth to do. You came, you conquered and you left. I look at your pictures and wonder if you would do the same things I am doing in regards to parenting. If you would still be working in the IT field or if you would have set the bar high and started over and succeeded at that endeavor as well. You always knew the right words to say, the glance to give, the laughter to share, the smile to lift us when we were down. The qualities you possess are none other than an angel. I always knew you were special, I always told you that I had never met a person like you before. I know without a doubt it was because you were an angel. You graced me years of memories. Memories and moments that I would do all over again even with the same outcome. I want nothing more than to hear your voice, to feel your touch, to see you smile, to hear your laugh, to watch you with our son. I want nothing more than to hear those three words that melted my soul when you spoke them. (I LOVE YOU!) I miss everything about you. I look at our boy and see how much he is like you and it makes me smile but because you aren't here I wonder if those qualities will remain? I know that in his blood you run thick and deep. You hold the key to all of this. You were the glue that kept us grounded. You always said it was me, but it wasn't babe; it was you! I wonder if the situation was reverse and you were here on earth and I was in heaven would you feel the same way? I wonder if I tried harder could I have saved you? I wonder if you were here how different things would be? Would we still be living here, would we have moved, would we both have taken different career paths? I wonder, I wonder, I wonder!
As I approach everyday I am grateful. I am grateful because of all you have taught me, all you given to me and all you left me with. I am so very blessed. Because of you I have an amazing young man as a son, I have grown closer to my own family and I have gained your family as a part of my life forever. I have been given a HUGE support system that was always there but I never knew how wonderful and amazing they were. You have touched my life in more ways than my words can ever explain. I wish for everyone to find love like ours. I wish for the world to embrace every situation as you did, to love as you loved, to guide and support as you did. I wish that those in this world who didn't get to meet you that read this understand how truly amazing you are. I wish for you and all you believed in to be the values and foundation to sustain me throughout the rest of my life on earth. I wish that one day you can come to me and tell me that it is okay. I mean truly come to me, sit with me and talk with me and tell me that everything is okay. I don't want a lot babe, I just want peace! I wish that one day you will find a way to tell me that. You will find a way to help me understand. I wish that we never had to endure this pain, I wish that you could explain it all to me. I miss our talks, I need our talks, our family meetings, our Foley Family Goals. It seems empty without you to continue those traditions. I can't do this alone! I just can't!!! I know you are around us, I know you guide us and protect us but I need to talk to you. I need to talk and I need to hear you talk back. I wish that will come true one day.
Everyone is still mourning and dealing with your loss. We all deal with it in different ways, we all mend and heal differently and on different time tables. No one person is right, no one way is right. We all have to walk this journey and we all have to come to peace with the process. I just can't seem to find that peace. I can't ever get there. I continue to work, to find ways to stay busy but it is never good enough. I can't get over the hurdle of being without you. It seems strange to others, but for me when you left you took my heart with you. I am here to raise our son into a man, to watch him grow and to graduate from high school, to go to college, to get married, to buy a home, to have a family of his own. How is that fair to see all of that when we should be enjoying it together? Why are you going to miss all of it? Ryan is going to be graduating from 6th grade and that is going to be a HUGE moment for him and you won't be there. He has talked to me about that a few times that he wants you there. I tell him you will be there but we just can't see him. I know you will be cheering the loudest please whisper in his ear that you are proud of him and that you love him. He needs that babe. I need that for him. I need him to know that just because you can't be seen doesn't mean you aren't there. I believe that I don't want Ry to lose faith in that. Allow him that! PLEASE BABE!
I hope that your 4th birthday in heaven is magical! I hope that everyone you are with is in awe of you just I am. I hope that the Lord continues to bless you and watch over you. Please continue to do the same for all of us.
I miss you! I love you more than the whole wide world and back again!
Memories on Your 4th Anniversary / Donald Foley (Father)
Rich,
Our family is still adjusting to your loss! We have moved forward, but it isn't the same without you. You meant so much to our family, and we miss your love, good sense of humor, and your caring ways.
Donald and Maria have changed alot and it would make you proud to see their changes and know that all of us are very close and look out for each other. But it would be so much better for all of us if you were still here to share good times with us as we very much miss the times we had with you! I know for certain Buffy and Ryan miss you and wish you would walk through the door once again with your big warm smile, and give them one of your big hugs!
We recently talked to a psychic and she told us that you are always looking after us and that you are doing well! She also told us you are with David Guerrero, who passed away last summer. It makes mom and me feel better knowing that you are with somone that you know and are doing well!
It is hard to believe your 4th anniversary on passing is coming up later this week. It seems just like yesterday! We think about you all the time, but we will be thinking so much of you this February 13th! May God continue to bless all of us and especially you during this very important and memorable time!!!Love Always, Dad, Mom & Family
Happy 4th Brithday in Heaven / Mom Foley (Mother)Read >>
Happy 4th Brithday in Heaven / Mom Foley (Mother)
Happy Birthday my Son it’s been 4 years, and it still doesn’t get any easier. I still light your candle every Sunday. I found an art drawing that you made in September 1983, it brings back lots of memories. You have a title of:
“The Beautiful Forest” “I think I will never see a forest as lovely as thee. When I die and go to heaven I hope I can see the lovely forest again”.
As this young age you knew that heaven will be your final home, and returning to see the forest again. We always think if you had stayed around, will Dad and I moved to Goodyear, Arizona. Since you left we all have been humble on the things you have tried to teach all of us while you were here. Now we all look at situation and ask what will Rich say or do. Dad and I are getting older now, and we have both slowed down a lot. Our grandkids keep us going as well as Donny, Buffy and Maria.
Holiday isn’t the same for our family any more. Dad and I were out in Elk Grove for Thanksgiving with Donny, Ryan, Buffy and Naomi and we had a party at Donny’s house on Wednesday before Thanksgiving Day and invited a few family members and friends we all had a very good time. Donny and his girlfriend along with Buffy, Ryan, and Naomi all came to visit us on the last week of December, they stayed for a week. You will have been very proud of us all we all got along so well, we did not have an agenda we just wanted to enjoy each other company. We celebrated New Years at Maria’s house along with Theresa and her family with JR and Uncle Benny.
Donny has gone back to work since the housing market has gone south, he is back to his IT profession working for the state with the Water Resource Mgmt. Donny has made a lot of changes within himself and they are all towards the good. He is always ready to help Dad and me out. Naomi has grown to be a beautiful girl; she had to have her phone (@ 8years old) for Christmas, which her Dad didn’t disappoint her. I had her here in the summer for 4-5 weeks and she was a big help with the dogs and Uncle Ben. She doing so well in school, she enjoys her time with her Dad. She goes to school that is close to her Mom, so she is there full time during the week, and she goes to Donny’s home every other weekend. Donny’s house comes alive when she is there and her present is so missed if she not. She is ahead of her time, she kept everyone on check.
Buffy is doing well; she is slowly accepting that things are the way it is and we have no control on how our journey is planned out. Your present is so missed, especially with Ryan approaching his teen years, not to mention that he will be completing his elementary school years. Donny and Mike Weaver are both trying to be with Ry as a male figure that he needs. On Ry 13th B-Day he wanted only GUYS on this bowling party and no GIRLS. Donny and Buffy set it up that way and he had a great time, needless to say the Big GUYS enjoy their hard liquor a little too much. After bowling they all have pizza and cake over at Mike and Tass’s home. Ryan is growing so fast and he is a living image of you. Buffy keeps him grounded, always very respectful and very good manner. He too has a phone for his Birthday gift from his mom. Dad open an account for him at the credit union so we just put his gift money in the account so he can decide on getting the things that he needs and wants. We also had him here in Arizona for the summer, about 6 weeks; he goes to his cousin to play their videos games. He is doing so well in school and he makes goal for him to achieve. Dad and I are so proud of him. He is very involves in wrestling “WWE”, he has his collecting on Cds, and all the items that goes with the sport. He even tells us that he wants to be a wrestler for the “WWE”. We tell him he can be anything he aspires to be, just make sure he education is completed.
Maria moved into her new home on August 2008, she lives with her two doggies, Keanu and Honey Girl. She has decided to go back to school and get a degree in “Nursing” with the economy slowing down and a lot of layoffs, she felt being a nursing as a profession is more stable. She is doing good, she works part time for the Art Council and Dental Office. Dad and I are glad Maria is living close to us here in Arizona, she is a big help to both of us.
Uncle Benny now lives on a Group Home, living with a retire nurse. He is about 10-15 minutes away from our house. We took him back in April 2008, but it was too much for me to handle. Uncle Joe didn’t try to keep him active with a day program and his mind just deteriorated. He is now in a good home and we tried to always visit him and take him out for dinner or just bring him to our house. He goes to a day program that I set up for him; he goes about 3-4 times a week. He still has his beautiful smile (less his front teeth).
I know you are at peace, always watch over all of here on earth and guide us on our path on this journey. Pray for all of us here, for our health and safety. Guide us on our financial decisions and pray that it’s the best for our continuing journey. Always be at your wife and son’s side for I know they will feel your present and comfort. We missed you so dearly here on earth, but we all have come to peace that you were called before any of us because you were needed, and through our faith we are taught not to question. I love you my son always be at peace. MOM
MERRY CHRISTMAS MY LOVE! The holidays are always rough without you. Everyday is rough but the holidays are that extra kick in the heart to remind me of your loss. My life is simple and it is busy all the time. I have to do it so I don't get sucked into the heartache everyday. My heart will never be the same or complete without you. I can't explain to you my feelings completely but I can say the sadness and the hurt will never truly go away. Some understand what I am saying and some will never get it. I don't judge them or even try to make them understand. I feel the way I feel and they feel the way they feel. They are entitled to it as I am. There are so many things I want to tell you. I miss just laying on the bed talking. We used to talk all the time. You are my best friend and now I don't have anyone to tell everything to. It is hard to open up to people because they aren't like you. You allowed me to always talk and speak from my heart no matter what I said and you NEVER judged me. You always comforted me and told me to just speak the truth tell you what my heart wanted to say and I always did. It came very easy when talking with you. I don't talk to a lot of people about my true feelings because they always seem to get twisted or misunderstood. If I just keep things to myself then I don't have to worry about the other person and how they feel. I can't even tell you how much work that is. I am the one that could be feeling bad or having a hard time but I am more worried about making someone else feel uncomfortable or uneasy so I just don't say anything. How horrible is that. I guess it just goes to show that I care more about others than I do myself.
My love, you should see our son! He just turned 13 years old and he is HUGE. He is taller than me which isn't saying much. I remember when he was a little peanut fighting to stay in this world. WE never allowed him to give up the fight. I remember when he came home and he was a about 6 months old and you used to dance him to sleep to Earth, Wind and Fire. (You always played shining star) He is our shining star. He is an absolutely amazing young man. He reminds me a lot of you. His mannerisms, his willingness to always give to others, his need to be a part of everything just because he wants to make others feel good. He has some of me in there too but it isn't that much. Your mom says he walks like me, but babe he runs like you. Cement blocks on his feet. It always makes me chuckle. I look at Ry and see you staring back at me. Oh how I wish you could have stayed here on earth to be a part of our everyday life. I know you are with us but I would have given anything to see your expressions, hear you talk with Ry as he grows up into a man. I miss you and everything you are. I know our SON misses you. I know he craves for that male role model. He needs you for so many things and I try really hard to play both roles but it isn't the same. I try to do it but I am not a man. Donny has really stepped up to be that role model for him. I am so grateful for that. Mike Weaver also plays a big part of that for Ryan. It is kinda cool because they are very different but Ryan gets the best of both of them. Donny is the more militant one but can have fun with the kids. He and Ry talk. Ry expresses himself and I think the more Ry does this the more amazed Donny gets with our boy. Ryan is a very deep, compassionate person and sometimes you have to get through some layers in order to see that. If most people would take the time to truly listen it would be immediate to them that he has the biggest heart and is one of the most caring people they will ever meet. That is a true reflection of you. Mike is one of those guys that teaches Ryan things that I just can't. Both he and Donny really help me with Ryan and I can not begin to explain how wonderful it is. I am beyond grateful, I am blessed to have them in my life and I know Ry cherishes the relationships with them as well. It isn't the same as having you but he is able to have the male role models and I know that is what he craves. Ry needs you to continue to guide and mold him. He needs you to always give him insight and love so he can be even better than he is today. Babe, you would be so very proud of our boy. He called my one day to tell me he would be to after school care late because he was trying out for the school basketball team. He was talking and told me that he wanted to try out but didn't know if he would because some people were telling him he wouldn't make it. I told Ry if he wanted to do it then to try out and give his very best and NEVER allow others to tell him he can't do something. He tried out, I went and watched him for a part of each try out day. He is really good, much better than he was before. He gave 500% and I was so proud of him. I know you were there with me rooting him on. Unfortunately he didn't make the team but he said he was going to try out, he tried his very best and that is why I am so proud of him. I told him if he continues to try he will be able to make it next time. Some of his friends made the team and he told me that he was upset but will go to their practices and games to cheer for them. I told him that is what makes for good sportsmanship. He is truly his father's son. He may be hurting inside because he didn't make it but would rather show his friends that he supports them instead of being a poor sport. He is one hell of a kid. Thank you for allowing me to be a mother, for giving me the opportunity to raise someone that can make a HUGE difference in this world. He may not show it to everyone but to me he makes a difference in my world everyday. I am so blessed and when I look at our son I am reminded of how blessed I am even if I lose sight of that for a split second. In a small way he gives to me the insight and courage that you always did. I have always said that both you and Ryan were my saving graces. Since your passing I am reminded of how much you brought to my life. You know that you were my rock, my solid foundation which helped me to be the strong woman I am. Now; I see that because of the solid foundation you started and built up while you were here Ryan has taken that over and makes me strong everyday. He never for a moment makes me feel like I can't do anything. He helps me, pushes me, makes me want more out of life. He is just a true clone of you. I am blessed beyond measure. Thank you for our son, thank you for our life we had together, thank you for the love you shared with me and thank you for who you helped me become. I will always love you for every day we had together and all the days we aren't together.
Your brother Donny, he is quite an amazing man. He runs his life now with the thought of family is the most important thing. He is different. On the surface he seems the same. That hard exterior but when you talk to him you see the layers fade away and a man standing there with his arms open ready and willing to help anyone. His daughter has made the rough edges of Donny's heart soft and caring. She is his world. He would do anything and everything for that little girl. She is still a Diva but she is our Diva and we wouldn't have her any other way. :) Donny has taken a few turns on this journey since you left and without fail rises above it all and shines bright. He continues to amaze me. He helps me with Ryan, he knows he will never be you or Ryan's father but Ryan has explained to him that he is the closest to you and their relationship is very important. I think when Ry explained that Donny saw our boy in a whole new light. Donny just isn't the cool uncle that Ryan likes to do fun things with. He is the person that is as close in age, close in the blood line as his Dad could ever be. That is a huge deal to our son and now it is a huge deal to Donny as well. Donny has always been the one to help everyone financially and he believes that was his purpose from God. I believe his purpose is to know how important he is to all of us and know that the money isn't the reason for any of it. As you always said babe, MONEY CAN'T BUY YOU HAPPINESS AND YOU CAN'T TAKE ANY OF IT WITH YOU!
Your neni Maria, she is such a beautiful woman. She bought a new home. She has created it to be her own place, he sanctuary. She has two dogs and loves where she is in life. She has been exploring new options for careers and I know you have guided her in some of her endeavors. Maria and I try to talk on the phone at least once a week to catch up. She truly is like a sister to me. She loves Ry & Naomi. She has stepped up and helped out your parents. She goes over there all the time, hangs with them and is their support system while we are here in California. She has also stepped up in taking care of Uncle Benny. She has grown up a lot. She doesn't talk about your loss like all of us do, that has never been her style. She will say things like I remember when... Or Richard would know, man what was that saying or person's name again? She holds you in her heart. You know where she is in life, you know her heart and that she misses you but you also know that she isn't a very expressive person when it comes to emotions and stuff. You and her have always had a special connection, so I know that you are with her and help her when she needs you and even when she doesn't. I want nothing more than you to continue to guide her. She is doing so well. You would be so very proud of her. I know that I love her and all she brings to my life.
Your parents! What do I begin to say about Mom & Dad..... Well they live in Arizona, they have a beautiful home and you would love it. They live on a golf course. I know when we go to visit you would be on that course playing golf with your Dad. The funny thing is he doesn't play golf even though you wanted him to play golf with you. I think that is something that is still hard for him. Your Dad is currently trying to get employed in Az with the city, state or government. He misses work. He needed a break to allow his heart some time to heal. When you left babe a part of everyone left as well. Your Dad couldn't concentrate, he didn't want to talk to people, he wanted to sleep all the time. He found a new beginning in Arizona with your Mom and they seem very happy. Your mom is doing what your Mom always does. Creates little honey-do lists for your dad. She helps take care of the two dogs they have. (Can you believe that they have two dogs) They love those dogs like they are their children or grandkids or something. Funny how when circumstances in your life change that your heart becomes softer and you are more open to things than you ever were before. Your mom has been dealing with some things but seems to have them under control now. She is a strong woman and I talk to them everyday. I don't know what it is but when I talk to them it helps me to know that they are safe and content. I guess I probably bug them but I truly love them and treat them like they are my family. I know things started out rocky across the board with me and all of your family but now we all wouldn't know what to do without one another. (Ironic huh?)
Uncle Benny is doing well. He is currently living with a woman by the name of Jeanette. She is a nurse and care of people with special needs. Uncle Ben really enjoys hanging out with Jeanette. She has truly been a life saver for your parents. It became very difficult for your parents to care for him because he is getting older and it was requiring far more care. Since your parents are getting older that was becoming more trying on them as well. Your mom really struggled with getting help but I talked with her about it and explained it was better to get help then to shorten your life (health wise) trying to take care of Uncle Benny when you physically just can't do it. Mom had a hard time with this but I know because of how happy Uncle Benny is she is very glad she did it. Uncle Ben is still the happy go lucky guy that laughs, loves cookies and makes you smile when you are with him. He loves seeing the kids and will see us all soon.
Donny, Naomi, Sabrina, Ryan and myself will be heading to Arizona this weekend to stay for a week. It has been over a year since we have all been able to hang out together. It will be great and I am truly looking forward to it. I know that it will never be the same without you, but we talk about you often and always tell stories which help bring laughter and memories alive. We are looking forward to our trip and I am very happy that we will be able to spend a week together just to hang out with everyone. Be be with us and allow us to travel safely and get our luggage as well. (I am really worried about that, but know that you will make sure it is fine) Ryan isn't feeling so well but if you could please help him to feel better that would be great. I want him to enjoy himself on this trip and I need you to please help him feel better.
MERRY CHRISTMAS MY LOVE!!!!
I love you more than the whole wide world and back again.
I figured it out / Sebastian Strauss (Friend)Read >>
I figured it out / Sebastian Strauss (Friend)
Hi Richard, loads of stuff again I would need to talk to you about. You can't imagine how much I miss you sometimes. Oh and I figured it out... back when we were working together, I lived in a small apartment, had little money, shitty car without AC... and I think that was the happiest time of my life, to no small extend because of you. We'd talk and talk and we always had the same thoughts. Sundays I couldn't wait to get back to work on Monday, because we'd hang out together and talk... you were like a brother I never had to me. I miss you man! Close
It is Sunday and I am sitting here missing you as always. We had to get supplies and stuff for Ryan for this school year. He is going into 6th grade. I can't even believe it. I am so alone here. I have to raise our boy into a man, and I just don't know "guy" stuff. I am doing the best I can. Ryan is such a wonderful young man. He is the light of my life. You and Ry are the light of my life.
I go back to work tomorrow and I just wish you were here to hang out and have family time with Ry and I. Where are you? I know you are always here with us, I just know it. I know you are mostly here in the mornings sharing in our preparation for the day. We have so much to be grateful for and so much to be saddened about. We watched some home movies the other day and I just miss you. I saw you talking to me, asking me to make you a plate of food. It is exactly what I need and what I want in my life. Why can't you come back to me???
I just wanted you to know that I miss you and love you so very much. Nothing will ever change that!
Maria is moving into her new house in Arizona. She is doing so well and you would be so very proud of her.
Donny, is doing well. We have been hanging out with him and Naomi a lot. It is nice to be together and hang out. He has a really good job and he enjoys it. I know you would be proud of him too.
Your parents are doing well, enjoying their retirement. Your dad is looking to find a job so please guide him to success. Your mom is doing well has minor health issues that I know you will be able to help her get through.
Please be with all of us, let us see signs you are with us. We need you so much.
I love you more than the whole wide world and back again.
Just wanted to write you since it has been awhile. Things are hard right now. I have done some serious evaluating at myself, my parenting, my character and so much more. I am sure you know about Ryan and his school work or lack there of. He tested the waters and it was boiling hot and he got burned. I am not playing with him. He is in HUGE trouble. He has been mistaken thinking he runs the show. He is 12 but really thinks he is 30 but acts like he is 5. This is where I need you. I was not supposed to parent alone. I was supposed to have you with me to correct and mold him into a great person. Trust me, you laid the foundation but I need you to help me keep building. I have never felt more alone or isolated. I know I have family and friends, people that love and care about us. It isn't the same babe. WHERE ARE YOU? I need you. I put on a front from the time I wake up fooling myself that I can do this everyday. I act as though it will get better but the true fact is Ryan is a 24 hour reminder of you. He looks like you, talks like you, smiles like you. He was sent here to me because you were not going to be here for very long. You have no idea how much that kills me. My heart shatters. When Ryan acts up and acts the opposite of who I know he really is makes my heart break. That is not the child we raised. The child we raised is honest, loving, courageous, a go getter, an explorer, a leader. He falls into the habits of others and doesn't see his potential of greatness. He has much to offer the world, he has given me more than I will ever be able to give him. His life, who he is, where he came from; truly completes my world. I have been so fortunate. I have loved, and been loved. To me there is nothing better than that. The love I recieved from YOU and from Ryan is what has made to the person I am.
I really try babe. I want to do what you told me in my dream, but I just can't. Move on is what you kept repeating to me. Move forward, it's okay. Those words shake my soul. It echos in my head, it makes me so sad. I know that you are probably right, but I just can't do it. I can not even inch my way to moving forward. It just isn't possible. There is no answer for it. No reason to explain. My heart truly aches. It continues to hurt, it wants nothing more than for you to walk in the door. I want to hear your voice. The comfort of your touch, the positive nature you came by naturally. I want all of it back. I want you, I need you and nothing will stop that. Moving forward, moving backward or even side to side will not help those feelings. It is burnt in my soul. The life I had with you is not replaceable. It is not something I can recreate. I have to live with the life I have. I have to day by day tend to my duties and responsibilities as a mother. I am grateful to be a mom, to have such an amazing kid. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I miss you more than you will ever know. I love you more than the whole wide world and back again.
Happy Birthday BABE! Today you are 35 years old. I wish you were here so we could do something for your birthday. We should be going to dinner, hanging out as a family and just being with one another. As holidays and special days pass by it makes me wonder why things had to happen like this. None of it makes sense to me.
I sit there and look at Ryan and wonder why he had to be without his Dad. What God wanted him to learn by taking away his Dad and best friend. I don't get it. Your birthday is special, it should be a day of celebration and it generally turns into heartache for me because you aren't here to share in it. I want this birthday for you to come to me, tell me what it is you see me doing in the world? What my purpose is? What I am supposed to have learned from this grief and heartbreak? Without you things seem lifeless and not as bright. You brought life to me, you gave me meaning, you allowed me to be exactly as I am with flaws and all. You made me want to always do more for you because you gave so much to me. Your heart was big, and you gave me great hope. There isn't a moment that I don't want or need that back. I just can't seem to get it right without you here. I just need you to come to me, tell me what I need to do on this earth. Why was I put on earth? What direction am I supposed to be going in? I need your help, please talk to me. I know you can come to me, please just come to me babe. I really need you.
My birthday gift to you is.... I must learn and comprehend that YOU ARE NOT ON A TRIP. You have left this world and went somewhere far better. I have to learn that you will never come back home to us, you will always be in our hearts and our minds but never in our home. That is something I still must take day by day, something I must breathe in and completely understand. I just can not wrap my brain around that. I can not let go of the hope that you will come back to our home. I feel you there, I just want to see you there. I will one day be able to say that I have been able to comprehend it and it will just be something I come to grips with. I just can't babe. I just can't do it. Your loss has shattered my soul. I will try to work on that as my gift to you. That is my promise.
Please know that I love you more than the whole wide world and back again. I want nothing more than for you to be happy, give me a sign for what I should be doing to allow me to be happy. Help Ryan make good choices and be there for him.
I wanted to tell you what has been going on. The other day I was standing at the ATM and looked at my wallet and saw the pictures of you in there and the strangest thing, you looked real. Like alive in the pictures. Was that you telling me something? I was amazed and then got very angry. I still try to figure out what I am supposed to learn from your loss. I know that everything happens for a reason, and everything that happens there is a lesson to be learned from it. WHAT IS THE LESSON? WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO LEARN FROM ALL OF THIS? I can not tell you how much I miss you. My heart still aches for you. I am trying to take everything one day at a time, but I get stuck in some ruts and just can't seem to focus on anything else.
We all went to Santa Cruz this past weekend, we had a great time. Everywhere I was there, I knew you were there with us. I remember the last time we went to the boardwalk, everything you ate, and all the stuff we did all came back to me. It was another day of reflection. Ryan and Naomi had a blast and so did Donny and I. We went to do something different, something other than Elk Grove. It was nice to get away but it was a very long day. The traffic was horrible but we had a great day and everything else just seemed minor in comparisson.
The worst part about everyday is that I can't share with you what is going on. I know you are there, but it just isn't the same. There is not a moment that goes by that I don't want to email you, talk to you on the phone or just see how you are doing. I still have to tell myself you are on a trip so I don't get so overwhelmed with the everyday stuff and not being able to talk with you. I miss you, your voice, your touch, your hugs, your laughter. I miss it all. Can you even believe that I miss your snoring. (ha ha ha) Ryan is getting so big, he is about 5 foot 4 and 120 pounds. He is going to be a big guy. Just like you. Everyone tells me that he looks just like you so at least I have that comfort and able to have a part of you with me always.
My heart belongs to you forever. I miss you more than my words will ever be able to explain.
I love you today, forever and always.
I love you more than the whole wide world and back again.
Still missing you / Theresa Chapman (Cousin)Read >>
Still missing you / Theresa Chapman (Cousin)
Hiya Rich, was thinking of you this week and thought I'd come over and tell you how much we miss you. Each month is better but I have to say sometimes when I'm thinking of you it still brings me to tears. Whenever I hear Diana Ross's song 'Aint No Mountain High Enough', I have to pull over to cry because it reminds me of the move clips you made that Buffy showed us...that song was in the background. Fantastic stuff but still painful to see you so vibrant and alive and realize that you're not here anymore. I can't call or come visit. Sadly I know you're in a better place but it still doesn't comfort me. Part of me is still angry that this could happen and I'll just need to deal with it.
I love you and miss you so much. When I think of you it's always a picture of you laughing with enjoyment, your eyes crinkling as you make everyone laugh with you!
I love you Babe. May you always be at peace my love, you will forever be in our hearts. We love you today, forever and always. All our love, Buffy & Ryan Foley
Memory-of.com made a donation to American Heart Association to commemorate the sponsoring of this website.
Tributes and Condolences
Add to favorites 
